I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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