Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
