i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
