its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
