I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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