tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
