would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we're making bets on your personal life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
