i just sent this text using only my big toe
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
