First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
