My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
