So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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