It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
