I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
