So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
