you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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