Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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