I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
