So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
