So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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