i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
