I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
