dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
