somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
