dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
