whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
