yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize