I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
