I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
that may or may not have been my penis.
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