Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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