PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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