Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
