Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
