Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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