in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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