Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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