I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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