So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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