you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
