It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
