I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
