im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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