It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
