you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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