she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
