definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
