I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
