I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
