Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
