You really coming over, don't trick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
