very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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