is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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