Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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