need another drink. this is the easiest way
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
