"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're so nebulous sometimes
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
