My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
