he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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