apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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