How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
