Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
