4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
