Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
