Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My pussy is not your playground.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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