Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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