I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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