So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
