there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
