Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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