After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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